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DJ Fuzuli Presents:
Flagship |
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a 77 minute continuous DJ mix |
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triple distilled MP3, 118MB |
Track Listing:
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The real thing that is complicating the story
here
is that I never believed in this life...never believed that
it would
actually have any lasting meaning. I think at a deep level I
am convinced of
some sort of emptiness. This renders my time here painful
when I think of
all the "time I have to spend doing things I know are
completely wrong and
pointless". Such as bearing with my teachers all through
school, while
knowing what they are teaching is pretty much bullshit. Does
this make any
sense? The point is, I feel like I have come here to do
something great so I
am suffering greatly for it but in the last analysis nothing
is really going
on in the big picture of things and this renders everything
meaningless,
especially all the effort that is being put by God or
whomever to keep me
where I am. I literally feel like I am being kept where I am
by another
force.
As I see it, if I was left alone, I would have been a happy
fool, or an
enlightened man no longer here by now. Some other force
however is playing
with things - which might as well be my higher self - but
this is irrelevant
because I am not conscious of it at the moment. As far as I
can see, I am
moved between countries every so often, make relationships
with great
difficulty only to lose them, get to know places and people
only to start
all over again as a total alien, even if the new alien world
was mine just
six years ago.
Maybe this is just the ego bitching left and right - for I
clearly believe
it is the ego who wants to commit suicide, what the fuck
would somebody care
if he really did not believe in this world anyway - but that
is why I quote
Franklin
Merrell-Wolff, because even he says, as an enlightened
being, how
hard it is to be born in an animal body, and go through all
this suffering,
even if only illusory, is painful, because you know you came
here not for
yourself, and nothing you do is for yourself, yet you have
to suffer and
wait for the time...when you can live in the full
consciousness of who you
are, and this waiting is just very painful, because you know
there is
nothing else to do other than wait, other than throw your
temper tantrums,
even though you see how pointless they are; you agreed to
live this drama
before birth they tell you, and all you can do now is just
pretend to buy
this world and have some fun, and even that they deny you.
I hope this makes some sense...words from the heart as best
as I could
express them. |